Pretty sure this was not the intended lesson

Things Liza has learned during her family tree project:

• This would be a lot easier if our ancestors had had fewer kids (14 great-great aunts and uncles on one branch is a bit much to put on a sheet of poster board, especially when it happens in multiple generations and multiple branches).
  
• Five generations of ancestors = a whole lot of people.
  
• This would be a lot harder if Ancestry.com wasn’t a thing that I was willing to pay for this month so she can finish her project.
  
• And it would be harder if I hadn’t started working on our family tree on Ancestry.com a couple years ago.
  
• This would be a WHOLE lot harder if we didn’t have ancestors who were into genealogy back in the good old days of writing to churches asking people to go look for dates on stones in the cemetery.
  

Nature’s graffiti

There are times when showing up REALLY early for car line is a good thing.

Third Grade!

Feels sorta weird to photograph her in front of a new tree ... Thought about running over to the new house to take the pics on the porch, but we ran out of time.

2012 Lego Olympiad competition

This year Liza decided she wanted to compete in the Lego Olympiad as an individual, rather than a team like last year.  So when she kept putting off working on her project, and putting it off, and putting it off, I wasn't nearly as ticked.  The day before the competition I told her she had to either buckle down and prepare to represent her school well, or I wasn't going to let her go at all.  She thought about it all day, and after school she told me she was ready to work.  Yay.

She took her inspiration from an episode of her favorite show, Mythbusters, in which the team tries to escape from jail using a rope made of toilet paper.  We started with some screen shots of the episode to use as inspiration:

Her initial design wasn't terribly complex, but it still looked pretty similar to the building where the episode was made.  Unfortunately, when we ran the design through the Lego builder software, it spat out 70 pages of directions on how to reproduce it.  Um, probably not going to happen, but we'll bring them along just in case.

Let the building begin!  Liza was happy to see her friend Rachel shared her table.  Even if they weren't working as a team, it's good to have a smiling face nearby.

The judges circulated through the room during the build to make sure none of the grownups were helping and to talk to the kids about their projects.  Liza made good use of the photos and descriptions she made the night before, explaining how she came up with the idea and what it was going to do.

No, that doesn't look like the original model.  After a meltdown early in the build, she decided to scrap the more complicated building design and just go for the basics.  The original looked cooler, but honestly, this one was a lot sturdier, and it got the job done.

Look at how the projects are coming along ... Liza's got most of a building, and Rachel's volcano is done and she's working on the rest of her Hawaiian island.

Liza's finished model, "Mythbusters Toilet Paper Rope Jail Break."  Note that's Tory on the rope (which she made of dental floss so it was to scale), with Grant and Kari watching from below.  The minifigs were painted with wite-out, then she added the convict stripes with a Sharpie pen afterward.

Final judging time - Liza demonstrates that you can actually play with hers, and shows how the safety rope and winch work to keep Tory from falling when his hands slip on the rope.

The judges spent quite a bit of time looking over her project and talking with her about it.  I was good and sat far away, trying to ignore them and not helping her answer anything.  That's the hardest part of the competition, at least for me!

Liza was thrilled that she won a door prize, even if it was a box of Duplo blocks.  Then two of her school's Kindergarten teams won medals ... and then her classmate won a medal ... and then they called her name!

This is Liza's first actual non-pity award where she had to beat out other kids, they didn't just give the same thing to everyone who participated.  She won second place in the First Grade Open division.

Despite the fact that she didn't really prepare until the night before, I think she definitely deserved a medal for her work.  She planned, she built it all by herself and it worked when she was done. she was able to explain things to the judges coherently, and she was able to recover from her early meltdown and refocus on the task at hand.  Sure, it would be nice if I could have used the "See, maybe you would have won something if you'd started practicing more than 24 hours in advance of the competition" line, but hopefully this little taste of victory will leave her wanting to do her best next year.

Now, time to get cracking on the spelling lists for the Bee next Friday ...

On the first day of school, my daughter gave to me ...

... time to take a long shower, vacuum all the carpets, wash the kitchen floor, finish canning barbecue sauce, clean up the kitchen, clean up the house, harvest a bunch of vegetables, and go out to fancy lunch with a friend.

But enough about me - the first day of school is about the kid, right?

Liza was sort of nervous about going in to school today, despite the fact that she's in the same school building, has met her teacher multiple times and thinks he's really cool, had a chance to set up her desk, and met (and held) Murray the classroom pet lizard.  Heck, on open house day we even found out her desk is right NEXT to Murray - and the unnamed hermit crabs - which is the coolest thing ever if you're in first grade (and aren't squicked out by lizards), according to Liza.

And yet still with the anxiety and the not sleeping and the waking me up five times last night and the not wanting to get out of bed this morning.  Hooray for acting like a normal kid on the night before a big event!  No tears, and she walked down to the bus stop and got on the bus like a trooper.

She'll be home in about an hour, and I can't wait to hear how it went.  She might not get around to talking about it until 8pm, but it'll come out eventually :)

Young authors

Have I mentioned recently how awesome my daughter's school is?  Last week was the culmination of the Young Authors project that each grade has been working on for the past few months.  Liza's kindergarten class used the project as an opportunity to learn about non-fiction books, and each student capped the project by writing his or her own nonfiction book.

The kindergarteners' books included all of the standard non-fiction items, including a table of contents, author biography, and glossary.

This project has been going on for months - can you imagine the level of dedication and skill required to usher 22 kids through that whole process and come out the other side with your sanity intact?  Kudos again to the K teachers for managing to pull this off!  And then on Thursday evening all the parents were invited in to see the books and learn more about what some of the other classes had been doing.

It was a great chance to celebrate the students' achievements and take a look at some of the other kids' books.  It was amazing the breadth of subjects the kids picked, and how excited they were to tell us all about what they wrote.  The kids do this each year, so by the time Liza graduates, we should have quite a library of her books!

Okay, this one actually isn't too terrible

Remember the Christmas concert?  Well, in order to get the full grade school experiences, Liza's school does a spring concert, as well.  It was mercifully shorter than the winter concert, and somewhere along the way this year most of the classes found a bucket in which to carry a tune, so it wasn't as painful, either.

The kindergarten and first grade kids performed songs from "Barnyard Moosical," with each class taking the part of a different animal.  Costumes were easy - try to dress vaguely like a farmer,

... and put on a chicken headband right before you go on stage.

Liza's been running around singing her performance song for the past few weeks, so we already knew it was going to be a cute song ... but when you get 22 kids up there doing the Funky Chicken Strut, the cute increases exponentially.

Isn't that impressive?  You can actually understand many of the words they're singing!  Way to go, 5- and 6-year-olds!

Boy, does this annoy me

Them: "So where does she go to school?"
Me: "Menlo Park Academy.  It's a community school for gifted kids in the Westpark area of Cleveland."

This conversation embarrasses Jason, who believes we shouldn't be advertising the fact that our child is gifted.  It smacks of bragging, he says, and he was horrified to hear Liza describe her school as being "for smart kids like me."

Apparently the fact that we're sending our child to a school for gifted kids SO SHE WON'T BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT BEING SMART has escaped him.

Or maybe he hasn't had the conversation 14,000 times, the way I have.  I've tried his approach, which inevitably goes like this:

Them: "So where does she go to school?"
Me: "Menlo Park Academy.  It's a community school in the Westpark area of Cleveland."
Them: "Oh, what's the focus of the school?" (which is always the immediate follow-up question, because charter and community schools are a bit topic around here)
Me: "It's for gifted kids."

If Liza attended a school for the arts, or a school for kids with developmental delays, or a private school, I would have no problem including that information in the answer, so why should the word "gifted" make anyone squirm?

I don't whip out statistics about how it's for kids whose cognitive abilities tested in the top 2% in the state.  I don't say my 5-year-old has an IQ only slightly lower than Einstein's.  I don't immediately tell people she's been reading since she was three and is now reading at an 8th grade level.  I don't allow Liza to compare her own performance - academic, physical, or artistic - to anyone else, for good or bad.  I don't say she's smarter than anybody else's kids, or act smug about it, or talk down about the local public school districts.  I answer their questions about the school fully and truthfully, without a hint of embarrassment.

Being gifted isn't an achievement to be proud of, it's just part of who Liza is.  She's blonde, has size 13 feet, is kind to bugs of all kinds, likes to tell fart jokes, and is gifted.  I refuse to let her think I am ashamed of any part of her, least of all her brain.

Again with the tiredness

Thursday night I made 10 shirts for Liza and the spelling bee contestants from Kindergarten.  Do you have any idea how hard your hand cramps after using that much puffy fabric paint?

Friday I watched Liza at the spelling bee, where she won "Bravest Speller."  The judge said it looked like she was thinking, "Okay, Mr. Microphone, I know you want to eat my face off, but they told me I needed to use you to win, so I'll just stand way over here and be prepared to run away if you make any sudden movements."  What do you think?

Oh, and I hereby declare that the silent "h" in words like "wheel" is stupid and should be abolished.

Saturday I was getting ready to start painting the bathroom when the power went out.  You know, on the day when it was raining.  And the battery backup on our sump pump was out of juice.  So I got to bail - over the course of 3 hours - 60 gallons of water out of my sump hole, or, as I like to call it, The Black Hole of Olmsted Falls.

In the 10-minute increments between bailings I managed to get the basement even more tidy than it was before.  Um, yay?

When the power came back on, Jason asked if I still planned to paint the bathroom that day.  Two-word answer that starts with "f" and ends with "no."

Sunday I finally got the walls painted.
Monday I got the trim painted.
This morning I got the caulking done and moved all the towel rods and cabinets and curtains back in.  After another hour of cleaning all the dust off of everything, it looks pretty sweet, if I do say so myself.

Even if I still don't have a fucking faucet, which, if you recall, was THE ENTIRE REASON I STARTED THIS PROJECT ALMOST A MONTH AGO.

This afternoon I went outside to look at something other than my bathroom or basement for the first time in like a week and a half.  It was worth the trip.

Don't ask if you don't want to hear the answer

She's not even six, and she's already pulling an attitude on her homework? God, it's going to be a long 12 more years ...

I can't decide which is more awesome -

... his extreme concentration, or his pride in producing the lumpiest God's Eye I've ever seen.

... the four-foot God's Eye frame, or the fact that the three of them started working on it as a team with no prompting from anyone.

... that I get swarmed by hugging kids whenever I go into the kindergarten class, or that two of my elective students stopped to tell me how much they enjoyed today's class.

(And no, that's not Liza - she chose not to take my elective this session.  Wait until you see the awesome bobbly-headed turkey hat she made in her class, though - it's a humdinger!)

Open letter

Dear Mr. "My School is an Expensive Private School for Profoundly Gifted Children,"

Perhaps it would come across better at the preschool open house if you would put down your book and actually talk to the parents walking past your booth.  So that, you know, it looks like you're doing something worth that kind of tuition.

Not that I would ever be so uppity as to tell you your business.  After all, the people were walking right past your booth and stopping at mine to have a nice conversation and pick up some literature.

Boo-yah, Mr. I Have 25 Years of Experience Educating Gifted Children.

Sincerely, Mrs. Parent Volunteer

Did you realize ...

... that having a table at a preschool information night is practically the same as staffing the booth at a trade show, only you don't have to wear heels, and you're selling kindergarten instead of chemicals?  Oh, and people aren't such Giveaway Whores at the info nights.  I swear, send a normally sane person into a trade show and they will attempt to come home with at least one of everything that's not nailed down.

She's got it bad

At breakfast this morning:

Liza: 'Lewis and I are at 14. When we've sat next to each other 16 times on the carpet, then we're boyfriend and girlfriend.'

Me: Does Lewis know he's almost your boyfriend? 

Liza: 'No, he hasn't heard the love song I made up for him yet.'

While working on a sketch this afternoon:

And when we were at school today for parent-teacher conferences we noticed that the class had posted pictures of the pumpkins they designed, along with little profiles about each of them.  Lewis's pumpkin "likes to play with Liza."  Of course, there were no fewer than half a dozen pumpkins named after Lewis, so apparently he's a popular guy.

I swear, it's like watching a telenovela or something, and they're only five.

Time to start teaching her German and looking into Lutheran convents.

Obligatory First-Day-Of-School Post

Liza started going to "school" in 2006, when putting her in a one-day-a-week preschool program was the only way for me to retain my sanity (and get some Lazy Mama work done).  It was a place for her to play with other kids, eat food-coloring-saturated cupcakes that dyed her poop rainbow colors, and run around like a hooligan.  

When we moved to Cleveland, I was able to find a two-day-a-week program for 2-year-olds, and after a bit of adjustment (read, "I spent the first two months sitting in there with her so she didn't scream her head off"), she enjoyed that, too.  Okay, so maybe she just liked the ball pit and the building toys, but at least she tolerated being away from me, which was the whole point.

I wanted to get her into a program a little closer to home the next year, and she really loved it.  We kept her there for pre-K, too, and she made it through graduation with flying colors.

We had originally planned to send Liza to the (very highly ranked) local public school system, seeing as how the kindergarten is like 1/4 mile from our house and our tax dollars are paying for it and all.  I'm a big advocate of public schools, but the more I learned about our local program, the less thrilled I was.  It's only a 1/2 day program, which translates to around 2 hours of class a day, plus almost as much time on buses to get there and back (if we didn't just drive her to school ourselves).  They say they're set up to handle "kids who can read already," but the teacher's descriptions of how they handle those kids basically sounded like keeping them busy while the other kids caught up to them, not helping the early readers to continue advancing.  The kindergarten isn't even in the same building as the other primary grades, so they can't send the advanced kids down the hall to the older grades for reading or math.  Art, Music, and Gym classes all happen ... once every three weeks.  With only 2 hours a day to get even the completely illiterate kids up to speed, there's not much time for things like science or social studies, either, except where they can include it as part of the reading curriculum.

We looked into a Montessori elementary school, which I think would have been a good fit for Liza if we could have justified the cost ($6K a year, I think it was) and the distance (me driving the kid 30 minutes away twice a day really eats up my free time, you know?).  Then an acquaintance mentioned a local community school that's designed just for gifted kids ... and things started to look up.

Community schools are public schools funded by the state but not by any local school district, so they accept students from anywhere in Ohio.  They also operate on a much smaller budget than standard public schools, which means that parents have to step up and volunteer to help keep the school running, and there's quite a bit of fundraising required, too.  They're often set up to fill what parents perceive to be a gap in the standard school districts' coverage - in this case, parents were ticked that budget shortages were causing schools to get rid of whatever gifted programs they had in place for elementary school kids, if they even had them to begin with.

Because this school is specifically designed for gifted kids - kids who generally pick things up with less repetition than typical students - they can meet the state standards and still fit a lot more into their curriculum than standard school districts.  All the grades K-7 take Spanish, for example, and Mandarin is offered as an elective.  Art and Music and Gym happen each week, as does Technology.  Violin lessons are offered as an elective, as are some club activities like crafts and chess.  Things like science fairs and Lego robotics competitions are encouraged extracurricular activities.

The curriculum is also designed to be flexible to meet the needs of kids who may be advanced in some areas while being typical (or even delayed) in other areas.  Reading and math groups are assigned based on ability, not age, so Liza may end up going up to the second or third grade classroom for reading and the first or second grade for math, while spending the rest of the day with her 5-year-old peers.

The school has open enrollment, which means that students are accepted throughout the year.  But to get in you have to score above a certain level on one of a couple dozen cognitive ability tests which are administered free by school districts.  We took Liza in to the community school to be tested so she could begin the year there (rather than waiting to have her tested later this fall in the local school district), and she passed with flying colors.  Actually, her results classed her as "genius level," although these tests are notoriously unreliable for really young kids (and we did prep her pretty thoroughly for the test). 

And because the only entrance requirement is academic ability - not location, not income, not religious affiliation - the students are way more diverse than those in our local school area (according to wikipedia, it's 97% white around here ... it's like we live in WASP-World or something).  Of course, that means that the kid Liza is sitting next to in school right now has a last name that's a "V" followed by about 45 letters, but I'm sure we can all get used to pronouncing some new names, right?

The school is located less than a dozen miles from our house, and best of all - there are enough local kids attending that they actually run a bus from our school district, with pickup and drop off right in front of our house.  The bus ride involves a transfer at one of the local schools (which she would have had to do if she rode the bus to the local kindergarten, anyway), and it takes longer than if we just drove her there - but it's a pretty convenient option to have available.

I've been very impressed with how welcoming the other parents have been so far.  This summer one of the mothers of an incoming kindergartener organized a series of "get to know each other" playdates at the school playground, and we had a good time getting to know some of the kids Liza is going to see in class every day. And one of the local parents had a picnic for all the students from our school district so that they could meet each other before that first awkward bus ride to school.

Liza has been trying to make up her mind all summer - is she super-excited or completely terrified about school?  She was really excited ... then she found out about the dress code (white or navy tops, navy or tan bottoms, NO PINK OR TUTUS WHATSOEVER JUST KILL ME NOW) and decided she hated school.  She was super thrilled to pick out her school supplies - PINK SCISSORS AND A BACKPACK WITH A PINK STUFFED KITTEN KEYCHAIN CLIPPED ON IT OMG THAT'S SO COOOOOOL - and then horrified when I mentioned that she wasn't going to be the only kid in the class, she was going to have 19 strangers in there with her.  She loved riding the bus at Safety Town this summer, but sitting with strangers on the bus was thought to be a fate worse than death.

Sometime last week she made up her mind, though, that she was excited beyond belief about going to school.  We made up a poster with her morning before-school schedule on it, and we practiced getting up early and getting out the door by 7:10 without forgetting lunches or overlooking the rat's-nest hair problem.  We laid out her outfit for the first day ("Stupid uniform.  At least my backpack is the coolest thing ever!") and got in lunch supplies.  We checked out her class list on the school web site and read the bio of her teacher ("She likes art and music!  Could she be any cooler?  And look, she likes to crochet, so you'll have something to talk about with her!").  We had a ceremonial Last Field Trip of the Summer, and Tuesday we went to the open house at school to meet her teacher.

I think we got really lucky with the teacher assignment this year, because she seems like such a good fit for Liza's personality.  She's artsy and friendly and kinda goofy and enthusiastic and honest and she was smart enough to assign Liza to a desk that's right smack next to hers, which pleased the kid no end.  The teacher sent each kid a postcard at home telling them how excited she was to have them in her class, and she made up a scavenger hunt for them to do during the open house so they would get comfortable in the room.  I thought we were going to have to peel Liza off of the poor woman, she loved her so much.

Yesterday Liza was cranky all day because it wasn't a school day and she wanted to be at school NOW, darn it, not TOMORROW arglflarblgahhhhhhhh!  I ran her into the ground at two separate playgrounds with two different friends, then threw her in bed early and prayed heartily for a good night's sleep.

While I wouldn't say she popped out of bed all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, at least we didn't have to deal with the gnashing of teeth and rending of garments that sometimes accompanies an early reveille.  Clothes on, hair and teeth brushed, breakfast ignored, lunch packed, backpack on, and out the door with plenty of time to spare.  My big girl is ready to face the first day of kindergarten!

I'm generally not the sappy type, and I've been planning for years what form of partying would occur at my house once I got that kid on the bus (final decision:  blogging, followed by a pedicure).  While I was nervous this morning, it wasn't because I was horrified that they were taking away my ittybittylittlepreciouswumpkins, it was because I was afraid she'd have a last-minute change of heart and I'd be stuck manhandling her onto the bus and it would be all tear-streaked face and blubbering for her all the way to school.  But I will admit I was a little nervous about her ability to make the bus transfer at the local school, so I went into StalkerMama mode and drove over to the school to make sure she got on the right bus. 

That would have been a much better plan if you could actually see the bus loading area from the car parking lot ... as it was, I could confirm that her bus made it to the school and the kids were waiting there for the transfer bus to arrive, and then at the next stop I'm fairly certain that I saw a small blonde head in the window at the front of the bus before all the other kids got on.  I haven't gotten a panicked call from the school (or a neighbor of the school who found a kid wandering on their lawn), so I'm assuming everything went fine.  I guess we'll find out for sure tonight around 4 when she gets home.

Best Buds

Preschool graduation was on Thursday, and we celebrated by going out to dinner with some friends before the ceremony.  The girls were all gussied up and in a good mood ...

They looked a bit more shopworn after sitting around in the un-air-conditioned church for more than an hour, so I'm glad we took so many pictures beforehand.

Your assignment

Liza has to decorate a cardboard letter "z" with pictures of things that start with z. We're doing random google image searches, but could use some extra ideas of things that 5-year-olds might actually recognize. Leave your suggestions in the comments, please. This over-achieving parent thanks you!

What we have so far:

Z

zebra

zoo

zither

Zeus

Zimbabwe

zebra mussels

zinc

zirconium

Zurich

Zuma

zucchini

Zips

zipper

zero

zyzzyva

zodiac

And, since we're in Cleveland, Zeeeee!!!! *

*He's been one of my favorites ever since I saw him at an Indian restaurant, where he had to basically fold himself in thirds to sit in a folding chair while waiting for his takeout order. I swear, his kneecap was at my mid-thigh level. Dude is biiiiiiiiig. And I'll bet more of Liza's classmates can identify him than can identify Zeus (or a zither, for that matter).

One of these days I'll remember ...

... that there are entirely too many kids in Liza's preschool class for me to be going, "Oh, fer shur, I can crochet everybody an Easter bunny out of scrap yarn in my stash, no problem."

I love the insane zombie twins in the back row, and the fact that by the end I had decided I liked the decapitated rabbit heads better than making the whole bunny (because it's faster! and, um, cuter, right?).

Nature journal

Things to add to our nature journal, should we ever get off our butts and start one:

• This past Wednesday was our first bee/yellowjacket sighting. First there was one, then a couple, and by nightfall there were maybe 20 of them going to town on the crocus in our front yard. The preschoolers who were trying to pick crocus bouquets were not amused.
• Crocus will actually hold up as cut flowers. We're on the third day now, and they're still not yucky.
• Crocus open when it warms up, then close again when it gets cooler at nighttime.
• Yesterday was our first ladybug sighting. We put it on the rose bushes out front in hopes of jumpstarting the aphid war.
• The squirrel with the three bald patches we're calling "Mangy," and it's probably a female because it's spent all morning gathering dead grass and leaves and trundling them up to a hole in a tree in our neighbor's yard. It's going right past the peanuts and dried corn and only grabbing nesting materials, which I think points to babies being on the way sometime this spring.
• The squirrel with the thin tail appears to be a male, as far as I can tell from 10 feet away through a screen door. It's been going for the food, and running around the yard in a weird way that sort of drags its hind end around on the ground (marking territory? spreading disease? scratching an itch?).
• First robin spotted on Wednesday.
• Hawk spotted in the trees across the street, carrying something long and floppy (snake? grass? yarn?). Was being chased around by smaller birds, but still landed in the same darkened area of a tree several times. Building a nest? Hope it's one of Cinderella Blue Mermaid's kiddos from last year, although that would mean that the nest in our next-door neighbor's yard is probably going to be unused this year.
• First chipmunk spotted today on the back porch. Zach was not amused.
• The third squirrel that frequents our back yard is definitely male. I know this because he just came up to the screen door where the two cats are sitting, peeked past Zach and appeared to case the joint for usable materials, walked nonchalantly to the glass side of the door, put both front paws on the window to get a better look around Bella, and then ran away, giant squirrelly balls dragging behind him. The cats were not amused. I can guarantee you that Zach will puke someplace today from all the excitement.

The Pirates Who Do Aarrrrr-ithmatic

Liza really, really wants to learn addition, but she doesn't quite understand that you basically have to memorize the answers so that you don't have to count on your fingers every time you're asked what 3+4 is. She doesn't want to do the flashcards if we just sit down with them, and she can't do the addition worksheets if she's wearing mittens, so I had to come up with another approach.

That's where the pirates come in. A few weeks ago Liza decided she wanted to play pirates, complete with a boat (sofa), Jolly Roger (silkies tied to a yardstick) and both swords (pvc pipe) and bandannas. I put together a treasure map, hauled Jason's chest-shaped toybox out of the basement closet, and we were in business. We searched for hidden treasure, fought off sea monsters, ate goldfish-shaped sea rations, and tried not to whack each other too frequently with the pipe.

So yesterday I made up a new treasure map. It's a key of which rooms various numbers are in. She gets a flashcard "clue" to start, and she has to figure out the answer, go to that room, and check under the number to see if she's right. If she is, she finds the next flashcard, which leads her to another room, and another, with the final clue sending her down to the toybox in the basement.

You would not believe how fast the kid is catching on to the +3s when there are pirates involved.

Also, she refuses to practice her handwriting ... unless I write out some of the words from a "science experiment" we did this morning, and then she's happy to copy them until they look right. Which is why we've got a sheet of paper that says in very decent preschool handwriting, "rub balloon salt pepper oatmeal electricity." We've also got a journal page with a drawing of me blowing up a balloon, and thanks to the wonders of really crappy preschool drawing perspective, my lips are coming out of my ears. That would be a pretty good trick if I could pull it off, though, wouldn't it?