I swear, I can't leave him alone for 10 minutes

After hearing my husband say things like, "I need to be careful that I don't rush into buying a car.  I tend to nickel-and-dime little stuff and then buy big things fast just to get it over with," I was a bit reluctant to let him go over to the dealership by himself to have them assess the value of his trade-in.  Especially since "I guess I should get a new car before I have to go through the e-Check thing again in January" had morphed over the weekend into "I'd better hurry before all of the 2010 models are sold."

He test-drove some models, narrowed it down to the one he wanted, had me test-drive it, and decided that he got home early enough today to stop in and see how much they'd give him in trade for his Impala.  "You're not going to go buy a car while I'm ordering the pizza, are you?  You learned from the 'really awesome used Acura which you didn't notice had a bent frame until months after you bought it' incident of 1999, right?"

"No, I'm just going to have them look at the Chevy, and I'll be home for dinner."

***

Twenty minutes later, the phone rings.

"So, they're hitting me pretty hard here.  They offered me almost the maximum blue book value for my car and told me I can put down a couple hundred dollars in deposit and reserve one of the 2010s until I get back.  Should I stay here or come home?"

***

Five minutes later, the phone rings.

"When I said I needed to leave, they offered me $500 more for my car, and another $500 for some obscure rebate, if I buy tonight instead of waiting to start the paperwork when I get back.  What do you think?"

***

Five minutes later, the phone rings.

"How much do we pay for our mortgage every month?"

***

Five minutes later, the phone rings.

"Eight-forty, baby!  The lady's eyes just about popped out of her head when she saw our credit score."

***

Guess who will have a shiny new (red) Altima waiting for him at the dealership when he gets back from his business trip?

And guess who was sort of ticked to find out we'd missed the maximum possible credit score by 10 measly points?  If only I'd paid that $40 medical bill on time in 1998 ...

And guess who now has her eye on a Leaf to replace the LazyMamaMobile in a year or two?

My madeleine is a chicken nugget

We were in a hurry for lunch today, so once I managed to drag myself through the (huge) line at the fabric store, we ran through the Wendy's drive-through on our way to Liza's school. She still had two nuggets left over when we got there, and she decided she wanted to save them to reheat for a snack later on, so I left them in the car while I got her settled at school.

When I got back to the car, the lukewarm nugget smell hit me like a wall, and it smelled exactly like the dry dog food we used to feed our giant weimaraner when I was Liza's age.

This stuff came in what were probably 50-pound bags at the Southern States supply store, and I remember the chunks being the size of unshelled walnuts. How Schatzie swallowed - much less digested - that stuff, I have no idea. Then again, he was able to swallow the face of my Raggedy Ann doll with no problem, and he handled that half a ball of twine pretty well, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

So, does this say good things about the dog food (Mmmm - smells like nuggets!) or bad things about the nuggets (Gah - smells like dog food)?

Oh, and one other little thing ...

bwahahahahahahahaha!

More on this when I've got more time to type...

Buying a car, part 1

The story so far:

I drive a minivan. I have driven the same boring but reliable Chevy Venture since we moved back to the US in 1999. We bought it then because we were sick of having two cars that were so small we had to take the new tv out of the box in the Best Buy parking lot because otherwise it wouldn't fit in the door. I endured much good-natured ribbing about doing things backwards by getting the van first and THEN having a kid. I like being able to haul 20 bags of mulch at a time, but I don't like driving a tank all the time. I only have one kid, and it's going to stay that way. It's time to downsize a bit.

After poking around in a few new cars and reeling in sticker shock and taking some test drives, I pretty much settled on the Kia Rondo, which is sort of a crossover/hybrid/stationwagon/SUV thingee. Four doors and a hatchback, optional third row of seats to make it up to a 7-passenger car, moderately lousy gas mileage. Nifty storage features, funky seats that fold into all sorts of unusual positions, lots of cupholders, good safety ratings - all that good stuff.

After reading the article that mentions how car salesmen are running scared of their internet sales departments, I decided to see how that worked for me. I sent out two requests via edmunds.com, one for a sort of bare-bones LX model, and one for an EX with leather and a sunroof. The requests got sent to four Cleveland-area Kia dealers, and I've been bombarded with e-mails and calls ever since.

Observations:

1. When you send out the request, you fill in very specific information about what you want: color, options, etc. There's no way to fill in "I'd like it, but it's not absolutely necessary," which is I guess why every single dealership felt the need to call me and confirm what I was looking for. But the whole reason I am trying to do this via the internet is that I have a cranky three-year-old hanging on me for a good portion of the day. All kidding aside, I fielded three of the eight or ten calls yesterday while the kid was on the toilet. Ever try to discuss car options and financing while wiping a kid's ass? Yeah, that was fun.
2. The computer at each dealer apparently doesn't recognize that it's got two requests from the same person, so in some larger dealerships the requests got routed to two different salespeople. Hence the eight or ten calls, by the time you include missed calls and return calls with followup information. Um, I thought this was supposed to make things easier?
3. Considering how widespread internet car buying is supposedly becoming, you'd think the people in the internet sales department would handle it a little better when I tell them "I don't want to come to the showroom, I want to handle this over the phone, show up and sign some paperwork, and drive off with a car." That doesn't sound so hard, does it? I mean, people do that all the time in their showroom, walk in and walk out a couple hours later with a car. I just want to skip all the tedious "entertain a toddler while the salesmen pretend to make me a great deal while hideously overcharging me for the car" stuff. Sheesh, I just want them to give me a firm quote on a specific car, not tell me what day the Second Coming will occur.
4. Statement that made them love me even more: "I've requested the same information from three other dealers, and I'm ready to buy tomorrow if you can get me the best deal. But I'm not haggling, and I already know roughly what the going rate is for this specific car in my area - so send me your absolute best price, and I'll let you know if you've won my business."
5. If you're going to handle business via e-mail, please proofread your messages for punctuation and spelling. I'm not a grammar Nazi (my thesis advisor can attest to my inability to use commas ONLY when necessary - Hi, Stan!), but sheesh, I do have SOME standards ...

Hi it's XXXX from XXXX Kia the total out the doo price on the rondo including tax is $21,078.63 .I'm sure I can make that an even $21,000.00 . If you and your husband like our figures give me a call ,Also remember this is an LX with the premium pack ,carpeted floor mats and bumber protecters.Don't get confused by lesser numbers on lesser cars CALL ME FOR MORE DETAILS!!! Thanx ,XXXX

So that's where we stand now, I guess. I've gotten three "quotes," none of which gives me a list of exactly what is included in that price (taxes? fees? floor mats? a few details would be nice, guys). So I've asked for clarification, and hopefully I'll have some basis for comparison early next week.

Oh, and the irony of this all so far? The car that has the options I want is in ... Kentucky. If it's down near where we used to live, I'll go pick the thing up myself and get the kid's portrait done while we're there :)

How I spent my morning

Since we're going to trade in or otherwise sell the LazyMamaMobile if we get a new car, I thought I might be able to get more for it if it wasn't the inside wasn't a cesspool of old granola bars and rusty pennies. An hour and a half of cleaning and vacuuming later, I had a clean car interior and a gigundous pile of stuff that came out of my car.

Seriously - wtf? Okay, some of the stuff on the right includes clothes that need to go to the consignment shop and some library books to return, but the rest of it ... Maps of New Jersey? Explain to me why I waste gas toting those around all the time when it's not even contiguous with Ohio. And two maps of D.C.? Three umbrellas, two ice scrapers, two tire pressure gauges, and a flashlight that's had the same batteries since 2001? Yeah, not really necessary for my continued happiness.

Only the bare essentials went back into the car, just enough so the car is functional but still looks tidy. Of course, now I have to tote a huge pile of stuff back and forth to the car every time we use it (like hats and the picnic blanket and the Panera coupon I keep intending to use but forget about every time I'm near the restaurant). But hey - that car is clean! And worth $1,000, according to the low-balling bastards at the dealership I visited today. I'm onto you guys, you know.

Oh, and while I'm on the subject of car buying, I found a rather long-winded but interesting article on edmunds.com, written by someone who worked "undercover" for two different car dealerships to see what really goes on in the sales department. You can find it here. I always enjoy reading these sorts of stories, seeing how the salesmen try to play their customers, seeing how I do or don't fall into their traps.

I've been to about five different dealerships so far this spring, and I saw a lot of this going on there. I've had every approach from "let your kindly grandpa sell you a car" to "clueless and desperate salesman needs your help." Today the salesman was practically running to get Liza a second helium balloon when her first one escaped into the rafters of the showroom ... I think she could have asked for a dozen balloons and a puppy, and this guy would have fetched them if it meant I was more amenable to handing over 20K to his dealership.

But now things are getting down to decision time, and I'm going to have to stop playing Little Miss Uninformed Consumer With Vague Needs And A Cute Kid and start playing Assertive Bitch Who Won't Pay Too Much For The Car No Matter How Pretty It Is.

I'd better start looking for a babysitter, becauseI think I've about used up the entertainment value of balloons and rolling swivel office chairs.

PS - thanks to MindFlush reader J for sending over the overly dramatic car ad ... the sale this weekend doesn't really cover the models I'm looking at, but it gave me an excuse to visit that dealership and see what they're like. Plus, helium balloons and rolling office chairs! Whoopee!