I'm taking an online writing course this month, and today's discussion made me remember a journal I used to keep back in the dark ages when I traveled a lot and didn't have a kid (or a blog). I took it with me to write down all those random ideas and overheard remarks that you promise yourself you'll remember, but never do. I found it a few months ago, and it was pretty cool to see how my mind worked back then. Below are some of my favorites, collected over about three years (and a billion miles):
" ... but that involved a much higher annoyance factor than she was willing to cope with just then."
" The only part of a museum I enjoy is the sight of it in my rear view mirror as I drive away."
"Sorry, buddy, I couldn't hear you over the accordion music."
"I hate it when hotels close the bathroom door when they're done cleaning - I always expect to open the door and find a dead body in the bathtub."
"She was a cleaner of inconsistent standards, one who would lecture about the evils of uncooked chicken juices while standing in a kitchen remarkable for its grease-filmed cabinets and food-splattered floor."
"Other women fall for their bartenders; I fell for my waiter. I even know what it was that put me over the edge. After several nights of struggling to provide English translations of the daily specials, one night he approached my table, laid my napkin in my lap, and spouted out the specials list in obviously rehearsed, perfect English. Neither of us could understand a word the other said, but from then on, it was love."
"I think there must be one line on the job application at the DMV that asks, "Are you a bitch?" and the answer choices are, "Yes," "Hell, yes," and "What do you think, asshole?"
"Talk to your mother fast, because we have to eat dinner soon so she can go draw pictures of naked people."
"I've got a whole fuckload of fruit salad I've got to power through before it goes bad."
"'How was the meeting?' 'The speaker was boring, the food was awful, and afterwards I was surrounded by a pack of people looking for new jobs.'"
"She had skin so fair she could sunburn in a thunderstorm."