Christmas shopping

"These would be perfect for Grandma!"

Don't ask if you don't want to hear the answer

She's not even six, and she's already pulling an attitude on her homework? God, it's going to be a long 12 more years ...

Carpentry project of the day

"Mom, what's wrong with my swingset?"

"Nothing's wrong with your swingset."

"Yes there is.  Look at the end."

"What, did a bird poop on it again?"

"No, look!"

"Oh. ... Well, I guess we'd better fix that, huh?"

Yes, the end of the swingset fell off completely with no warning.  The bolt holding the uprights onto the beam pulled right out, as did the screws on the L-bracket that was supposed to be holding the bolt in (great engineering job, there, former owners of the house who built the thing).  Luckily, this happened when no kids were on it, although I'm pretty sure the beam the swings hang from wouldn't have crashed to the ground under the weight of the 11-year-old next door.  $100 in supplies, two weeks to wait for the mail-order bars, and an entire day of work later ...

I still have to drill the hole on the little extended piece to hang the disc swing, and cut off the old support the swings used to hang on, but that hasn't stopped somebody from using the monkey bars continuously since the moment the concrete footings were cured.

You can't see it in the pictures, but it looks pretty funny to have all of the new construction (pretty close to) square and plumb, and the old structure ... really not.  Maybe I'll get around to fixing that some day, since I had so much fun doing the monkey bars all by myself.  If I ever pry the kid off of the bars, that is.  Of course, she only goes hand-over-hand for one gap, then she stretches for the rest of it, the little cheaterpants.

Oh, well - stretching is good for the body, too.

oh-kaaaaaaay

G: "Okay, now that we've got the granola bars in the oven, I'm going to wash up the dishes."
L (in a very upbeat, cheerful tone of voice): "I think what I'd like to do now is go sulk in my room for a while."
G: "Have fun with that.  I'll let you know when it's time to cut 'em up."

The granola bar recipe is from Buns In My Oven and can be found here.  We're using up a bunch of leftover Easter candy, so our bars will be studded with chopped up Hollow Chocolate Bunny and some pastel-coated Reese's Pieces, among other things.  I figure I'll go for the healthy stuff once The Big Sekrit Project starts.

Note to self: Probably need to discuss the definition of "sulk" with her again, as it does not mean "hang out by myself and read because I'm in such a good mood."

Our little innovator

Name: Double Dutch

Inventor: unknown

Requirements: Two people swing on a swing set with identical periods and amplitudes on their swings. When the paths match up so that they're both going forward and backward at exactly the same time, one of the swingers yells "Double Dutch!"

Name: Double Dutch Notches Riding on a Skateboard a Few Minutes Later

Inventor: Liza

Requirements: Two people swing on a swing set, and other than that, heck if I know, other than it involves screaming "Double Dutch Notches Riding on a Skateboard a Few Minutes Later!" regularly at the top of your lungs.

Well, that went well

"Do you remember Bill from when we go to Mom-Mom's house for Thanksgiving or Easter?"

Of course! He's the old guy who tries to give me high fives.

"That's right, he's your great-grandmother's husband, the guy she married after your great-grandfather died a long time ago. Remember how Bill has seemed sort of sick the last few times we've seen him? Well, this weekend his body got too sick to keep working, and he died."

So now great-mom-mom can marry somebody else!

"Well, I guess she could if she wanted to. But right now, it's okay to feel a little sad, because we're going to miss Bill. But even though Bill's body is dead, his soul is up in heaven with God, and that should make us feel sort of happy. Because in heaven, nobody's sick or sad or hurting, so Bill is probably really happy to be there."

But what if Bill feels sad?

"Well, in heaven nobody feels sad. I think it's sort of a rule up there. Maybe if you start to feel sad, God finds something to make you happy again."

So if Bill feels sad, God can find somebody to give him a high five, and then he'll feel better.

"Sure, sounds good to me."

Revisionist lyrics

Listening to Spare the Rock, Spoil the Child, we heard a version of "Toyland" by Dan Wilson. Liza misheard the lyrics, and she was convinced they were singing about "toilet." Once she'd said that, I was unable to hear anything else, and frankly, it improves the lyrics. Tell me you don't agree:

Toyland, toyland
little girl and boy land
when you dwell within it
you are ever happy there!

Childhood toyland
mystical merry toyland
once you pass it's borders
you can never return again! ( not again! )

<>

Childhood toyland ( Toyland! )
mystical merry toyland
once you pass it's borders
you can never return again!

( Toyland! ) Toyland ( Toyland! ) toyland

( Toyland! ) Toyland!

The Lecture

"Of course I don't want syrup. These pancakes have a great deal of butter on them. Pancakes should have butter OR syrup, not both."

Actual conversation from bedtime tonight

L: Mom, can two girls get married?

Me: Depends on where you live, sweetie.

L: What do you mean?

Me: Remember how we talked about how people believe different things sometimes? Well, some people believe that girls should only marry boys, and some people believe that two girls or two boys can get married. The government is in charge of saying whether people are allowed to get married, and each state has its own government. The government in each state figures out what the people who live there believe, and that's the law. So in some states, girls can marry girls, and in some states, girls can only marry boys.

L: What about here?

Me: Well, in our state, a lot of people believe that girls should only marry boys, so that's the law here.

L: So I have to move if I want to marry Leah when I grow up?

Me: Remember how we talked about how sometimes what people believe changes, and laws get changed? Like when we read that story about slaves last week? Well, maybe before you're grown up, people here will change their minds about who can get married. You never know.

L: So it's okay if I want to marry a girl?

Me: Honey, as long as you love the person very, very much, and they love you very, very much, I don't care who you marry. Now go to sleep.

(pause)

L: Can grandmas and grandpas have babies?

Me: Depends on how old they are. When women get older, the parts that make babies stop working, and then they wouldn't be able to have any more babies.

L: What about Grandma?

Me: Nope, she's not going to have any more babies.

L: When will you be a grandma?

Me: When you have babies ... but that's not until you're all grown up.

L: Will I have babies when I'm a grown up?

Me: You probably can, if you want to. And if your body can't make the babies, you could adopt one, if you wanted.

L: But what if I don't want any babies? Then you wouldn't be a grandma?

Me: That's right, I wouldn't be a grandma. But that's okay, too - it's your decision whether you want to have babies. I'm fine with just you - you're perfect as you are. Now go to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow - we're meeting Miss Judy at the coffee shop.

L: Miss Judy, the rocket scientist **?

Me: Yep, that's the one. Sleep well, little girl.

Add that to her earlier request for me to explain exactly what a tampon is and what it does and what the little string is for and what if you can't reach the string, and it's been a fuuuuuuun day. (That sound you hear is me banging my head on my desk repeatedly, in case you were wondering)

**That's how she differentiates Miss Judy, my knitting buddy who works at NASA, from Miss Judy, the mother of one of her friends from dance class last year.

Liza says: Liza's first sledding day

We went sledding. It was a big hill. There were a few other people there. It was very, very cold. I wore snow pants, and a jacket, and an extra-fuzzy sweatshirt, and my new very new gloves. I had lots of trouble getting the gloves on.

Daddy went with me the first time. We had to walk to the top of the hill and Daddy pulled the sled. Then when we got to the top of the hill, we sledded down. We went fast! It was fun.

Mommy went, too. And then I went by myself! I went down half of the hill the first time, then I went to the top of the hill and slid down all by myself! And then I had to pull the sled by myself back to the top. And one time, when I was trying to pull the sled up, I accidentally let go and the sled started to slide down and then I started running and when I caught on to the sled I let it make me slide down!






Afterwards we went to Taco Bell, and then after we went to Taco Bell, we went to the ice skating rink. There were lots of people there, but I didn't mind. We saw Mrs. Craft, my teacher from last year at preschool. I skated very, very well. I did five swizzles in a row and then started skating again! Daddy and Mommy went skating, too. Daddy got to wear extra special skates - hockey skates! And I had to wear just brown and black skates, and Mommy got to wear her all-white skates.