Bookworm

I had to bodily remove her from the car because she was so entranced in this book that she wouldn't stop reading long enough to get out under her own steam.  Then I set up the hammock and she retired there, cup of Trix in hand, and I didn't hear a peep from her for an hour.  It would be totally charming, except the book she's reading is The Adventures of Captain Underpants. It's about two fourth-graders who write their own comic strip, play pranks on their fellow students, and hypnotize their principal into believing he's the titular hero.  Not sure this is a good influence on the kiddo ... although it does make for a blessedly peaceful afternoon around here.

Why? Why would he think that was a good idea?

The Toenail has been doing much better recently, especially since I was converted to the wonders of soaking injuries in Epsom salt.  Turns out those old timers knew what they were talking about, at least when it comes to foot pain.  Honest to god, the first time I soaked the still-swollen, achy Toenail for 15 minutes, it immediately cut my pain level in half.  I did the same thing again the next day, and not only did The Toenail no longer hurt, but the ache I get in my big toe joint was gone, too.  Wicked cool!

That was a week or so ago, and now that things aren't swollen anymore, the parade of colors in The Toenail has stopped.  It hasn't fallen off yet, or even loosened, but I figured I'd better ask the doctor about it while I was there getting my prescriptions refilled today anyway.

My doctor is a bit, um, eccentric sometimes.  Ask Jason about how he and the doctor used to play with the leftover liquid nitrogen when Jason was getting some warts frozen off - good times, good times.

Me:  So, it's still on there, and it's not like it got bad enough that I broke down and bought one of those little drills to relieve the pressure, but I still thought I should have you look at it.
Dr:  No, you don't want to do that.  They actually sell those drills?  You don't need one of those.  All you have to do is heat up the end of a paper clip in a candle and burn a hole through the nail.  You don't need a fancy drill for that.

And while he's saying this, he's poking around at the toenail, and trying to actively lift the thing off.  My precious toenail, the one I might sort of NEED IF I'M GOING TO WALK 18 MILES THIS SATURDAY FOR TRAINING.

Me:  Gah!  Are you crazy?  Dude, don't do that!  I want it to stay on as long as possible!
Dr: It's totally going to fall off anyway.
Me:  No!  Look, it's still pink around part of it!**  Maybe it will hang in there!  Besides, everything I saw online said I should leave the old nail in place as long as I could so the new nail wouldn't grow in all crooked and stuff.
Dr: Psht.  Nails don't grow in crooked.  What else did the internet tell you?

The internet told me that there are 50,000 hits when you search for "runner toenail grow in crooked," and close to 200,000 if you change it to the past tense.  Also, it just told me not to look at the wikipedia entry for ingrown toenails on a full stomach ... blargh.

**Lovely photo of my injury after the jump to protect all you squeamish weenies out there ... you have to click on the title of the post in order to see the part after the jump (I think).

Geez, nobody guessed my new project is "mushroom farmer?"

Ha!  Just kidding!  I leave all fungus propagation to the professionals.

In reality, I'm working on a new blog, (Sort Of) Sustainable Summer.  It's me rambling about my attempts to feed my family this summer using mostly locally- and/or organically-grown foods.  I'll be collecting and sharing my resources, both national and local, and talking about how I'm weaning my kid off string cheese and V-Fusion and onto real food.  When I find good recipes - ones that even my non-locavore friends will eat - I'll pass them along, and hopefully all our lives will be tastier as a result.

The project is just starting right now - I'm about done with the research, and I'm almost ready to pack away all of my processed "food" items and start eating better ... just as soon as I get back from vacation in early June.  Because if you look at our handy made-just-this-morning harvest calendar, you'll notice that May is pretty darn sparse on local produce when you live in the snow belt.

And since I don't have a pantry full of local produce I "put up" last summer - and I do have a pantry full of crap we bought and probably should eat up - we'll take baby steps until June.

So pop on over to the new blog and check it out.  You won't find much in the way of ranting or proselytizing, but hopefully you'll find it interesting.  And if it makes you think about your food in new ways, well, then that's a good thing.

Also - cute pictures on farms and stuff!  Just wait until we go visit the lady who raises chickens down at the end of our street ...

oh-kaaaaaaay

G: "Okay, now that we've got the granola bars in the oven, I'm going to wash up the dishes."
L (in a very upbeat, cheerful tone of voice): "I think what I'd like to do now is go sulk in my room for a while."
G: "Have fun with that.  I'll let you know when it's time to cut 'em up."

The granola bar recipe is from Buns In My Oven and can be found here.  We're using up a bunch of leftover Easter candy, so our bars will be studded with chopped up Hollow Chocolate Bunny and some pastel-coated Reese's Pieces, among other things.  I figure I'll go for the healthy stuff once The Big Sekrit Project starts.

Note to self: Probably need to discuss the definition of "sulk" with her again, as it does not mean "hang out by myself and read because I'm in such a good mood."

I'm Lost

We only managed to complete one sentence between the two of us during our entire conversation regarding tonight's episode of Lost:

J - So wait, he released original sin when he went down the ...
G - No, it wouldn't have been original sin, because isn't that the whole thing with eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good ...
J - But Cain - wait, was that his name ...
G - I was just hoping that Blondie had slaughtered the village, so we'd know HE was the bad guy, and ... well ...
J - Somebody online said they thought the guy in black was helping people get off the island, but the only way to get off is to die, but he can't actually kill anybody directly, because ... wait, no, he just killed his mother, so ...
G - Yeah, but that was before he was the smoke monster, so maybe now he ... wait, the smoke monster has killed lots of people, so maybe it's supposed to be a metaphor for ... um ...
J - Eh, fuck if I know what's going on.

I believe that's about the most concise description of the plot of the entire series I've ever heard - "Fuck if I know what's going on."  Me neither, brother.  Me neither.

Ooooh, this is cool

I really need to stop wasting  my time reading books and spend more time watching videos online, because otherwise I'll miss things like this:

Signs I've got a new project brewing

• The waist-high pile of library books I've got by my desk, each filled with Post-In notes and dog-eared pages.
• The overall level of clutter in the house has risen to Orange Alert status, which involves me telling Liza she's not allowed to have any friends over to visit until she helps me clean some of the junk up. So she's playing at the friend down the street's house instead. When we hit Red Alert, Jason's head explodes.
• The notebook littered with half-coherent ramblings I write down at midnight when the computer's off but my brain isn't.
• An unfortunate tendency to use my friends' innocent comments or observations as a jumping-off point for the Lecture of the Day.
• Most exciting gift I've gotten recently: two bales of straw, leftover from a friend's Halloween decorations. Seriously, I'm psyched about them, and have many plans.
• I asked a friend if she would mind if I showed up at her horse barn with a 5-gallon bucket to steal some used bedding.
• I know how to spell "agrarian entrepreneurialism," not that I'd want to do it on an hourly basis or anything.
• A growing file of ideas, observations, plans, suggestions, recipes, questions, and quotes.
• New recipes on our menu for the past few weeks. Lots and lots of new recipes.

Anyone want to guess what I'm planning for?

Wow, I wish I didn't know this

Know what happens if you wear your regular size shoes for long-distance training in warm weather? Your feet swell and don't fit in the shoes anymore when you're, oh, 14 miles from the end of your training. And you end up with Runner's Toe. Which improves in size, coloration, and overall suckiness day by day, until buying one of these starts looking like a reasonable idea.

(lack of embedded photo in my post - you're welcome, you pansies)

I'd start laying odds on whether I get to keep the nail or not, but I'm supposed to walk a total of 32 miles (in my new ginormous shoes) this weekend, so I'd say the chances of it hanging on are slim to none. If it falls off, I'm totally keeping it and wearing it as a good luck charm during the actual walk in July ... either that, or making some Regretsy-worthy jewelry out of it. Oooh, maybe I could make the jewelry and auction it off to help finish raising my funds for the walk? Now that's a great idea!

Three-way tie

Option 1: That she picked A Light in the Attic as her next book for me to read to her at bedtime.

Option 2: That she can read most of the poems in the book on her own, and she actually understands a good portion of them.

Option 3: That she's up there finishing the last 100 pages of the book right now by flashlight because I got tired of reading after 50 pages or so.

So which is the reason I'm most proud right now? I really can't decide.

Sometimes she comes up with good ideas

Yesterday at lunch Liza practically begged me to go to the Botanical Garden. Never mind that we were just there two days before, or that it was already halfway through the day, or that we'd have to drive home through rush hour traffic downtown in order to make an appointment at our house ... she wanted to go. Now.

And then she went outside and played on the swings for an hour, despite my repeated reminders that we needed to leave soon if she actually wanted to go to the garden.

Finally at 1:15 I managed to convince her to leave, and by dint of hitting all the lights right, we managed to make it to the garden just in time for the butterfly release. It was worth the trip:
Yes, she has four butterflies on that hand, and eventually got another on her left hand, for a total of five butterflies at once. That big dude there is a Blue Morpho, not that you can tell because he's all camouflaged when he closes his wings. He was apparently all tired and shagged out, because he stayed on Liza's hand for half an hour. Do you have any idea how boring it is to stand around quietly so the butterfly doesn't get startled ... for half an hour? Luckily, I had my camera with me, and no other kids to keep an eye on this time around.

Mr. Morpho was even kind enough to let me get some macro shots of his wings, which was fun. Wish I could have gotten some with his wings open, but in some ways, the camo side is even cooler:

After all that standing around with insects on her arms, it was hard to convince her to take a swing through the "adult" gardens on the way to the children's garden, but somehow I managed it. And I got one of my favorite shots of her, ever:

Wish you could hear us both humming the theme to Jurassic Park while we took the picture - because head-high ferns just scream "dinosaur country" to both of us, even if only one of us has actually seen the entire movie :)

Whatever it takes

A week or two ago, Liza started to get harder and harder to put to bed. Normally we read to her, turned on some music and snuggle in bed with her for a few songs, and then left while she was still groggy and she fell asleep on her own. But shortly before her birthday Liza began fighting the process, wriggling around like a fish on a hook while we snuggled, then sneaking out of bed and coming downstairs multiple times. Never mind that she can't get to sleep because she won't sit still for more than 3 seconds, and the light is on, and she's got 75 copies of My Big Backyard strewn all over her bed. It's enough to make me think that our old joke about needing a "sleep hammer" wasn't so far off.

Finally I told her that now that she's 5, she's old enough to put herself to bed. We'll read to her, and turn on her music, and maybe tell her a story while she lays there, but once we leave, she's on her own. She can get up and read, play in her room, whatever - as long as she does it quietly, and stays in her room, and puts herself to bed when she's done. Arguments that she can't do that were met with calm reminders that she already HAD done it for several nights, when she fell asleep in the middle of her pile of magazines with a flashlight in one hand and a bunny in the other. Arguments that she wasn't tired were met with a story that explains why she's having such a hard time relaxing ...

Inside your brain is a little guy whose job it is to keep you awake. He's very small, and he's got a sword to keep the Sleepies from getting in your brain. The guy is pretty funny - he's not wearing any clothes except for a pair of underwear, and sometimes a cape, and he likes to dance to Elvis music.

The Sleepies are pretty funny, too. They're tiny purple fluffy sheep that can fly and smell really, really good. There are a lot of them, and all they want to do is come and take a nap in your brain, but the guy with the sword won't let them, so they have to be tricky.

So one of the Sleepies reaches into his wool and pulls out a radio, and when he turns it on, Elvis music starts to play. This makes the guy with the sword want to dance, so he ends up dancing around with his sword, waving it around to keep the Sleepies back. But he can't fight the music for long, and ends up doing some really fancy dance moves, and when his attention is on the dance, some of the Sleepies sneak through.

All of that dancing makes the guy with the sword kind of tired, so he has to take a break, and he leans over and rests a little on his sword ... and some more Sleepies sneak through. Then he gets up and dances some more, which makes him more tired, and he has to sit down and rest a bit ... and some more Sleepies get through.

Finally, there's only one Sleepie left, and it's the head Sleepie. He looks at the guy with the sword, and he says, "You've been doing a good job, but you look really tired. I think it's time for you to take a rest." And the guy agrees, and he lays down and snuggles with his sword, and the Sleepie walks past him up and joins all the other Sleepies in Liza's head. And all of the Sleepies lay down and take a nap together, which makes Liza feel very sleepy, and she can finally rest.

Of course, it's better in live performance, what with the silly dance moves and Sleepies sneaking up her pajamas and into her head and everything. I'm thinking it's got movie potential ... Tom Hanks as the guy with the sword, Shaun the Sheep as the head Sleepie ... it could be box office gold, I tell you.

In the meantime, now that Liza has acted as editor by reading over my shoulder while I type, I think I'd better finish this up. After all, we have a guy with a sword and some flying purple sheep that smell really good to draw up to illustrate our story ....

Night Court

Looks like I've liked "Data" (aka Brent Spiner) for longer than I thought ... wonder if they have this series on DVD at the library?

Our little innovator

Name: Double Dutch

Inventor: unknown

Requirements: Two people swing on a swing set with identical periods and amplitudes on their swings. When the paths match up so that they're both going forward and backward at exactly the same time, one of the swingers yells "Double Dutch!"

Name: Double Dutch Notches Riding on a Skateboard a Few Minutes Later

Inventor: Liza

Requirements: Two people swing on a swing set, and other than that, heck if I know, other than it involves screaming "Double Dutch Notches Riding on a Skateboard a Few Minutes Later!" regularly at the top of your lungs.

Thank goodness the rain held off

Welcome to my birthday party at the Cleveland Botanical Garden!

First, we will run around like maniacs on the lawn.

I will be very lucky, and find FIVE four-leaf clovers.

Then we will have cupcakes, both chocolate and vanilla.

And we will open presents and show off our butterfly t-shirts.

We'll hunt for butterflies to identify ...

... and flowers to sniff.

We might have a few close encounters ...

... of the really cute kind.

There should be time to do some construction work.

We might even get to do some riding.

So here's looking forward to some good, clean fun!

And oh, yeah - the flowers will be almost as pretty as me!

Celebrating her birthday in style

She's five now, can you believe it? Yeah, me neither. Less than 10 years left until I can send her away to boarding school!

Well, that went well

"Do you remember Bill from when we go to Mom-Mom's house for Thanksgiving or Easter?"

Of course! He's the old guy who tries to give me high fives.

"That's right, he's your great-grandmother's husband, the guy she married after your great-grandfather died a long time ago. Remember how Bill has seemed sort of sick the last few times we've seen him? Well, this weekend his body got too sick to keep working, and he died."

So now great-mom-mom can marry somebody else!

"Well, I guess she could if she wanted to. But right now, it's okay to feel a little sad, because we're going to miss Bill. But even though Bill's body is dead, his soul is up in heaven with God, and that should make us feel sort of happy. Because in heaven, nobody's sick or sad or hurting, so Bill is probably really happy to be there."

But what if Bill feels sad?

"Well, in heaven nobody feels sad. I think it's sort of a rule up there. Maybe if you start to feel sad, God finds something to make you happy again."

So if Bill feels sad, God can find somebody to give him a high five, and then he'll feel better.

"Sure, sounds good to me."

Revisionist lyrics

Listening to Spare the Rock, Spoil the Child, we heard a version of "Toyland" by Dan Wilson. Liza misheard the lyrics, and she was convinced they were singing about "toilet." Once she'd said that, I was unable to hear anything else, and frankly, it improves the lyrics. Tell me you don't agree:

Toyland, toyland
little girl and boy land
when you dwell within it
you are ever happy there!

Childhood toyland
mystical merry toyland
once you pass it's borders
you can never return again! ( not again! )

<>

Childhood toyland ( Toyland! )
mystical merry toyland
once you pass it's borders
you can never return again!

( Toyland! ) Toyland ( Toyland! ) toyland

( Toyland! ) Toyland!

Your assignment

Liza has to decorate a cardboard letter "z" with pictures of things that start with z. We're doing random google image searches, but could use some extra ideas of things that 5-year-olds might actually recognize. Leave your suggestions in the comments, please. This over-achieving parent thanks you!

What we have so far:

Z

zebra

zoo

zither

Zeus

Zimbabwe

zebra mussels

zinc

zirconium

Zurich

Zuma

zucchini

Zips

zipper

zero

zyzzyva

zodiac

And, since we're in Cleveland, Zeeeee!!!! *

*He's been one of my favorites ever since I saw him at an Indian restaurant, where he had to basically fold himself in thirds to sit in a folding chair while waiting for his takeout order. I swear, his kneecap was at my mid-thigh level. Dude is biiiiiiiiig. And I'll bet more of Liza's classmates can identify him than can identify Zeus (or a zither, for that matter).

Damn, she photographs nicely

And for once, I'm not talking about the kid.

Shawls are usually so jammed up on the needles that it's next to impossible to see the pattern develop as I'm knitting, so blocking a shawl is almost always a delightful surprise. This was even better than most. Half an hour ago it looked like a big purple snotrag, but a quick soak and a bit of tugging revealed this beauty - behold, my Morpork Pi shawl designed by MMario:

Wow.

Now that's a rather impressive use of 3 1/2 skeins of sock yarn, wouldn't you say?

Closeup of the pattern near the edge:

Closeup of the center section:

While washing dishes

Me: Did you know that if we had our Wii hooked up to a highspeed internet connection, we could stream Netflix movies on it?

Jason: Do all the people in the movies have giant heads and stumpy little bodies?

Congratulations are in order

Congratulations to my parents, who, after years of putting up with the old equipment, have finally committed to buying a new stove and oven. You can't imagine my shock when my mother casually mentioned today that their cooktop was sitting on the floor in the kitchen and the double oven was next in line for the wrecking ball. Of course, she was calling to ask for recommendations on new stoves because they sort of removed the old stuff before they bought replacements, but it can't take that long to get a new stove, right?

The old appliances were a thorn in their side from virtually the moment they bought the house, but until today they managed to limp along without replacing them.

Since 1985.

Wow. I'm not sure if that proves their thrift, ingenuity, or lack of common sense, but I'm sure it says something.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I present a quick multiple-choice question.

Which of the following choices did not apply to my parents' kitchen?

1. It made my 12th birthday party more memorable by having an oven door fall off in my mother's hand when she was checking on the pizza inside.
2. It lit once lit up the house like the Fourth of July when one of the heating elements arc-welded itself to the floor of the oven.
3. It baby-proofed itself by requiring you to push in and turn two obscure knobs by at least a certain amount in order to turn on the oven, and even then sometimes it would shut itself off.
4. It possessed an oven that was never actually at the temperature you set it to - on a good day, you were lucky to be off by only 25F.
5. It had a stove burner that was so warped that pans would wobble and or spin when you used it.
6. It necessitated conversations like, "No, don't use that burner, it takes forever to heat up. Use that one, but remember that it gets much hotter than whatever you set it to."
7. It hasn't had two working ovens and a working broiler in at least 10 years.

Answer: None of the above.

Simple pleasures

There's something so cheerful about the sudden influx of summer toys into the yard, their gaudy plastic colors such a contrast against the greening grass. You can follow the progress of our days by the trail of gardening gloves, picnic blankets, rakes, balance beams, and bubble wands in our wake.

You can also follow the progress of our garden cleanup, now that a radio program and a bit of pointed conversation has turned Liza into a Composting Fanatic (thanks, Dee!). A myriad of crunchy-leaved trails snake from the gardens to our newly begun compost pile, and a half-dozen slightly traumatized worms are trying to recover from their overly enthusiastic transport and settle into their spacious new home.

There's a trail inside the house, as well, in the dusty footprints near the back door, the pile of rocks that have been brought inside to be "studied on," and the mountain of unwashed laundry that teeters inside our closet.

She bolts outside each morning as soon as I stumble downstairs - usually she remembers to change out of her pajamas first. She swings and swings and swings, coming inside only when the realization finally hits that it's 40F outside and she's wearing leggings and a t-shirt.

At the end of the day, we both smell of sunshine and Coppertone, dirt and roly-poly bugs, grass stains and band-aids. And that is good.

Never heard of that before

Last weekend we went to the zoo for my training walk, and Jason and Liza cruised the exhibits while I walked circles around them (literally - I'd do a circle through the Northern Trek area while they were checking out the polar bears, and wander around the top of the hill while they were on the playground near the primate house, etc.). I ended up going past every exhibit several times, which let me see some behaviors I'd never seen before.

Heck, I managed to find an animal I'd never seen before. Before watching "Madagascar" I'd never heard of a "foosa," the lion-like things that keep trying to eat the lemurs. I'd never seen one in a zoo, either, so I sort of assumed that they were made up to add interest to the plot.

So imagine my surprise when I rounded the corner on the tiny Madagascar exhibit in the primate house and found that there was a fossa on exhibit right across from the lemurs. Score! I was even more surprised when I saw what the thing was doing:



I've heard of a "lazy eye," but I've never seen any animal with a leg that's so lazy it won't even get on the exercise wheel. I think it probably is harder for the fossa to do this than it would be to just get on and run like a normal animal. But it's definitely funnier this way.

Training walk at the Botanical Garden, part 2

The botanical garden may not be huge, but they manage to make the most of the space. Lots of impact in a little place:


The benefit of having to walk around the gardens multiple times to get in my mileage: there's no excuse to not visit little places tucked away under the main path.


And while I was walking, Jason and Liza were spending some quality time with the butterflies.


All in all, I enjoyed using the garden for my training, although next time I think I'll do it on a day when I don't have to do quite so many miles!

Training walk at the Botanical Garden, part 1

The Wisteria-fu, it is strong in this one:


Aww, shucks!

Another great way to waste time

Live streaming of MST3K, 24/7. Oh, my goodness. Now I have something to watch when Jason goes out of town on business trips!

BRB

Boy, I sure am getting a lot of nothing done now that the weather is (at least sporadically) better. Liza has been spending hours and hours outside, but since she's on the trampoline next door or hanging from our trapeze by her knees (don't ask), I have to keep at least part of an eye on her most of the time. And we don't have a whole lot to do in the backyard, at least not until it dries out back there, so I've been picking up sticks, swinging on my porch swing, and getting some mindless knitting done. Not so much blogging, though, although I do have tons to write about. Just don't have it mentally organized yet ... so hang in there, there will be a ton of stuff coming, if ever I dig myself out from the mess in the house (and convince my daughter to come inside and just watch a freaking movie for goodness sake).

In the meantime, look who has developed a sudden love of ordering things for herself at the counter at fast-food restaurants:

I really have to restrain myself to keep from cackling, "Go get me another diet Coke, slave!" Kid is finally useful for something - who would have thunk it?

Best sandwich I've made recently

Layer, in order:

• naan-like flatbread, heated for 15 seconds in the microwave to make it softer
• drizzle of parmesan ranch salad dressing
• three really thin slices of deli turkey
• three pieces of green head lettuce, stalky parts removed
• half a fistful of alfalfa sprouts
• about a tablespoon of sunflower seeds

... all squished down a bit and folded up into a sort of taco-like shape that dropped remarkably little stuff on my plate. Nom nom nom, indeed!

My daughter has exquisite taste

This is the yarn she picked for her birthday socks. Not only does it match absolutely everything in her wardrobe, it's also the exact same color I was planning to use, anyway. I can't wait to finish my current Endless Shawl of Damn Dark Delaware Yarn so I can get started. I've only got two weeks to turn out two tiny socks for my (almost) five-year-old.

Dear Management:

I'm writing to inform you of what I believe to be an error in your planning of the weather for this week, which is in mid-April, in case you weren't paying attention. Last week it was balmy, Sunday was lovely, and Tuesday was so warm I had to do my training walk in shorts. The cats have been staking out their turn in the sunniest spots in the living room, trading off whenever one of them gets so hot they're in danger of spontaneous combustion. The daffodils and hyacinths are blooming, my tulips are about to open, and all in all, it's been a wonderful spring so far.

Now I can understand how you may be confused about what the weather is supposed to be like around here, what with a USDA projected "last frost" date in May and a population that insists on hauling out the tank tops and shorts whenever the temperature rises above freezing for more than ten minutes. You make it hot, people complain that we've skipped spring and gone straight to summer. You make it cold, and all the magnolia blossoms go all brown and nasty-looking. You make it warm, and my husband starts grousing about having to cut the grass already. You make it cold, and my daughter (who happens to be the weather watcher for her preschool class this week) just about pees herself with happiness when she spots the snow.

Yes, I said snow. See why I think that there may have been a miscommunication when you ordered up the weather today? Because I'm pretty sure that nobody around here asked for a cold, grey, drizzly, flurrying 35F to end our week.

Perhaps the timing is meant to be ironic? It can't be coincidence that I finally put away all of my turtlenecks and sent my wool sweaters to the cleaners yesterday, and now it's snowing. All of the kid's warm clothes are put away, too, so we're going with the "layered hobo" look for school today, thank you very much, Mr. Unexpected Cold Front. But don't think you caught us out completely, dude - the plastic may be down from the windows, but the flannel sheets are still on the beds, and the portable heater won't leave our family room until at least July. And I haven't even started most of our seeds yet, much less started to think about hardening them off outside, so you haven't managed to ruin our garden. Yet.

For the sanity of all of us in northeast Ohio, please turn the thermostat back up to at least 65F, and ditch that weird overcast green light we're getting today. Some of us are really, really in need of some vitamin D ... and all those tank tops and shorts look kind of scary on people who are so goosebumpy you can't even see their spray tans.

Sincerely,

Me

Having a camera phone is dangerous sometimes

But it's extremely handy when you're walking forever and ever and see things you'd like to photograph but are too lazy to drag along a 2-pound camera on your training walks. So excuse the craptastic resolution, and marvel instead at some of the things I've stumbled across recently:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/58932732@N00/sets/72157623671477743/detail/

Flippin' gymnast

Mantra of the playground today: "Look what I can do!"

Can you guess what she's been listening to at bedtime?

She saw me writing limericks and wanted to write a poem of her own, and this is what she came up with. At least it was easier for me to help her spell than, "In Hartford, Hereford, and Hampshire hurricanes hardly happen. "

Happy Easter!

Yesterday I took a loooooong training walk in the Metropark, and I was delighted to see that the wildflowers are starting to make an appearance. Acres and acres of forest were carpeted in the most vibrant green, with tons of little yellow daisy-like flowers on top. And then I'd walk around a bend in the trail, and the forest floor was completely barren - no leaves, no flowers, no nothing. Keep walking, and I'd get to large clumps of lily-of-the-valley plants, which weren't blooming yet but had lots of foliage. Some places had daffodils peeking out from behind trees, and there were even a few violets along the edges of the trail.

I believe it's safe to say that spring has officially sprung in Cleveland.

You didn't think I'd skip the fundraising message here, did you?

My apologies to those of you who got my e-mail and have to read this twice ... but since most of you haven't donated yet, I don't feel toooooo bad about the duplication.

This summer I'll be participating in a very special event called the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure. I'll walk 60 miles over the course of three days with thousands of other women and men. But as crazy as that sounds, that's not the end of it ... or rather, that's not the beginning. Because in order to survive walking 20 miles a day for three days, I have to train, and train hard. I'll be walking four times a week, every week, in every kind of weather, from now until the end of July. I'll be averaging more than 30 miles every week, for a total of more than 600 miles by the time I'm done. I'll be rearranging my schedule, fighting blisters and chafing and boredom, and dragging my 5-year-old "training partner" behind me in a wagon for part of it. Why on earth would I do this to myself? Because net proceeds from the Komen 3-Day for the Cure walk are invested in breast cancer research and community programs. I've been lucky so far - while breast cancer has touched the lives of my family and friends, so far it hasn't taken anyone I know. But unless something changes, it's only a matter of time. Consider these chilling facts: - Breast cancer is the most frequently diagnosed cancer and is the leading cause of death among women worldwide. - One person is diagnosed with breast cancer every three minutes in the United States. - A woman dies from breast cancer every 68 seconds. That's why I'm walking so far. To do something bold about breast cancer. With every step I take, I'll be helping to stomp out breast cancer. I hope that you'll share this incredible adventure with me - by supporting me in my fundraising efforts. I've agreed to raise at least $2,300 in donations. So I need your help. Would you please consider making a donation of $60? Keep in mind how far I'm walking - and how hard I'll have to train. I'm hoping to complete my fundraising by June 1, 2010, so that I can more fully concentrate on training as the event approaches. You can give online at The3Day.org. Just follow the link below to visit my personal fundraising Web page and make a donation. You can also call 800-996-3DAY to donate over the phone. Thank you in advance for your generosity! Sincerely, Gretchen P.S. Ask your employer if they will double your donation through a matching gift program! Click here to visit my personal page. If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address: http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2010/ClevelandEvent2010?px=5018396&pg=personal&fr_id=1464&et=Py5QUNZdp2wZculbOglr5w..&s_tafId=415331

For more information about the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure or Susan G. Komen for the Cure, visit The3Day.org or call 800-996-3DAY.

Busy weekend for my feet

Saturday, 14 miles total, part of which I did with Jason and Liza in the Metropark:

Today: 8-ish miles at the mall, partially with one of my sock club buddies, and partially with a new friend I met while walking (Hi, Linda!). I was so interested in talking that I did a few extra laps beyond what I was supposed to for today ... can I count that towards what I missed out on last weekend?

I've decided that the purple yoga pants that I've had since before I was pregnant with Liza - they have to go, or at least get joined by a few extra pairs of walking pants or shorts. Because having to wash them every other day isn't doing much for their longevity (and the pants aren't doing anything for my rear view, either).

One of these days I'll remember ...

... that there are entirely too many kids in Liza's preschool class for me to be going, "Oh, fer shur, I can crochet everybody an Easter bunny out of scrap yarn in my stash, no problem."

I love the insane zombie twins in the back row, and the fact that by the end I had decided I liked the decapitated rabbit heads better than making the whole bunny (because it's faster! and, um, cuter, right?).

"Do it again, Mom! I never get tired of this video!"

Annual spring river stomping

Just like last year, we managed to take advantage of a freakishly warm break in the weather to go stomping down at the river. Notice Liza's idea of appropriate attire for wandering around in the muck:

"'Watch for ice?' Yeah, right."

There is nothing more fun than standing in 1/2" of freezing cold water.

Unless it's TWO people standing in 1/2" of freezing cold water.

New skill of the day: the rail fence sideways shuffle.

Her favorite part of the trip? The deep puddle - complete with floating trash and dog poo - in the library parking lot.

Hopeful sign

Yesterday I walked 12 miles. That's about 3 hours of continuous walking, in case you were wondering. I finished with no new blisters, although there was a spot on my ankle that was a little irritated from where the lining of my sneaker had worn through.

Today I wasn't sore at all.

I was supposed to walk 12 miles today.

After about 4 miles it became obvious that the worn spot on my sneaker was going to eat all the way through to my ankle bone if I didn't take immediate action, and band-aids and moleskin weren't doing anything (yes, I had them with me).

So I cancelled the rest of the walk.

And I was disappointed that I had to do it.

And I'm kind of considering doing the whole thing tomorrow instead, even though it's supposed to be a rest day.

The latest in spring fashions

Hoodie, yoga pants, and rubber boots. She's all that.

My daughter is beautiful.

That is all.

The yellow fabric appears again.

First I used to to make curtains for our kitchen in Kentucky.

Then I used it to make curtains for our kitchen in Ohio.

And today, when I wanted to use some fabric I made out of one of Liza's drawings, I pulled the yellow fabric out again. Because it's apparently just not a kitchen without some of this nearby:

You can find instructions on my other blog here.

Well gee, thanks for that advice, Dr. Helpful

Yesterday I gave in and took Liza to the doctor. She's been complaining every night for the last two weeks about having a sore throat, but the complaints only come as part of the litany of reasons she can't get ready for bed yet, so I've been ignoring them. Yesterday she started with the runny nose and cough, though, so I figured it would be a good time to get her checked out and find out what the doctor recommended for seasonal allergies. Humidifier and Zyrtec for the win!

I also wanted to talk to the doctor about the anger management issues that Liza has been having recently. I know that the time change messes with sleep schedules, and stress can make kids do weird things, but the tantrums have just been out of control for the past few weeks. It's not just that she gets upset about normal things, like getting ready for bed - it's things like having a 20 minute screaming/kicking the wall/throwing things fit because "one of the kids started eating his snack before I was done making it into a smiley face on his plate" (not that she had told the kid to wait, or that she was doing something special with snack, or anything). And once she decides she's upset, it spirals out of her control, and we're in for seemingly endless inconsolable screaming over every. single. thing. She won't look at us, she won't be consoled, she won't stop flailing around - it would be entertaining if it was some other person's kid on YouTube, but it's my kid, and she's pissing me off.

Luckily this sort of crap just happens at home, not at school or at the park, but it's still not getting any better despite our attempts at helping her through it. Rationalization doesn't work, ignoring her doesn't work, consoling her doesn't work, deep breaths don't work, threats don't work, and we're starting to run out of ideas. Jason and I have both had to restrain ourselves from attempting to beat some sense into the kid. We know it won't help, but on the 10th day of "I-huh-can't-huh-stop-huh-crying-huh-because-huh-I-huh-don't-huh-want-huh-to-huh-brush-huh-my-teeth-huhwaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh" it starts to sound like a reasonable option.

Unfortunately, we got to see the "sick kid" doctor instead of Liza's regular pediatrician - yes, the practice is large enough that they have one doctor just for handling the kids who are sick and need to be seen the same day - so we didn't get the usual sympathetic ear. Instead we got:

• This is very common in kids her age. [yeah, common in everyone except every other child she has ever played with]
• Don't send her to her room, she has to learn to cope with the frustration where it happens. [that's going to be fun during playdates]
• Hold her arms firmly in front of her, [did I mention it takes two of us to hold her down to brush her teeth some nights?]
• Look her in the eye [you weren't paying attention to the "won't look at us" part, were you?]
• And explain to her why her reaction isn't appropriate [you also tuned out the part where we already do that and it doesn't do squat because she still can't calm herself down, didn't you?].
• Set a timer and tell her she has 10 minutes to calm herself down [also fun during playdates]
• And ignore her during the 10 minutes but stay nearby [I guess you also missed the part about how she crawls up the front of me bodily, using my clothing as handholds if I refuse to pick her up? And what am I supposed to do when the 10 minutes is up and she's still not calm? Do I get to whack her then?]

I was polite and told her I would give it a try, but I also got her to give me the list of pediatric psychologists they recommend just in case we needed to up the ante a bit. Because honestly, she knows she's overreacting, and she understands that she needs to do things differently, but we haven't managed to come up with a coping strategy that will help her calm herself down. I swear, some days its like she's got the Niagara River of emotions going on in there, and she's just the poor schmuck in the barrel going over the falls (again and again).

The doctor did have some helpful suggestions about bedtimes, so we're going to try doing things a little differently. Instead of dinner - play a few minutes - bath - teeth and hair - books - bed, it's going to be dinner - teeth and hair - calm play longer than we used to - books - bed, and we'll do her bath in the mornings. That gives her more time to play outside now that it's light later, moves the toothbrushing so it's no longer part of the going-to-bed battle, and lets me do her hair in the mornings when she's more tractable. Bonus: with her hair wet, it's easier to convince her to let me pull it back out of her face into ponytails or braids, and it stays back neatly for a longer time.

The best part is that doctors of any sort are one step below God in Liza's list of Those Who Must Be Obeyed, so when she whines about the new schedule, I can just pull out the "sorry, the doctor said we should do it this way" card, and she's likely to go along with it. Boy, do I love using authority figures for my benefit!

And I've got that list of psychologists, just in case I need to call in another higher authority* for backup.

* Not sure she'd agree to the authority, though. When we went in to meet my mother's therapist, Liza didn't want to talk to her at all, and I think the longest sentence we got out of her the entire time was, "If you're a doctor, then where are your licenses and stuff?" Apparently having paintings and tapestries on the wall rather than diplomas makes you suspicious, as far as my daughter is concerned. I guess I'll have to pre-screen the potential psychologists for office decor as well as bedside manner ... sigh ...

Proof that I am trying to dilute the crazy a little

It's pledge time on our local public radio station, which means I've been listening to a lot of commercial radio in the car recently. I keep hearing the same commercial over and over again, and I think it's starting to get to me ... because walking in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day is starting to sound like a good idea.

Pros of participation:

• I've lost 10 pounds this year, and I'd like to keep losing at least another 10 or 15 in the near future.
• Walking - it's healthy! It's cheap! I don't have to join a gym or drive across town to do it!
• The training schedule would have me walking four days a week, with the worst of the distance training on the weekend when Jason could be in charge of Small Child With No Endurance.
• Walking that much will give me a better appreciation of the spring and early summer weather - look, flowers! Birds! Biting insects!
• I know several people who have made it through breast cancer, and it would be a good way to celebrate their lives.
• Completing it would be the most impressive thing I've ever accomplished.

The crazy:

• Dude, it's like walking most of a marathon ... three days in a row.
• Camping? After walking for 20 miles? You can't be serious.
• The training schedule is set up for 28 weeks. As of right now I've got less than 20 weeks before the Cleveland event, which means that I'd start training at higher mileages than I'm probably ready for. Like, I'm supposed to walk 10 or 12 miles tomorrow.
• Who decided it was a good idea to put this thing at the end of July, anyway? Did nobody look at the average temperatures for July and August?
• Whoa, do I really want to do an activity where chafe-reduction products are recommended on the packing list?

I haven't made up my mind yet. I'm leaning far enough toward participating that I've printed out the training schedule and I'm going to try it for a week or two to see if it's even feasible for me to do it without massively injuring myself.

I started "slow" today with a walk that was about 4 miles, and I think I should get bonus points for doing it in the 40F rain. I know I weighed about three pounds more when I got done than I did when I set out, just from the rain that soaked into my jacket (and pants, and shoes, and hair, and gloves). And while I definitely felt like I was exerting myself more than I usually do and I'm a bit stiff this evening, a walk of that length wasn't unpleasant, and I don't feel any worse than I usually do after the first day or two of working in the garden each spring.

So I'll let you know what I decide ... especially if I decide to go for it, since I'm going to need all of you to help me raise the required minimum donation to participate :)

Nature journal

Things to add to our nature journal, should we ever get off our butts and start one:

• This past Wednesday was our first bee/yellowjacket sighting. First there was one, then a couple, and by nightfall there were maybe 20 of them going to town on the crocus in our front yard. The preschoolers who were trying to pick crocus bouquets were not amused.
• Crocus will actually hold up as cut flowers. We're on the third day now, and they're still not yucky.
• Crocus open when it warms up, then close again when it gets cooler at nighttime.
• Yesterday was our first ladybug sighting. We put it on the rose bushes out front in hopes of jumpstarting the aphid war.
• The squirrel with the three bald patches we're calling "Mangy," and it's probably a female because it's spent all morning gathering dead grass and leaves and trundling them up to a hole in a tree in our neighbor's yard. It's going right past the peanuts and dried corn and only grabbing nesting materials, which I think points to babies being on the way sometime this spring.
• The squirrel with the thin tail appears to be a male, as far as I can tell from 10 feet away through a screen door. It's been going for the food, and running around the yard in a weird way that sort of drags its hind end around on the ground (marking territory? spreading disease? scratching an itch?).
• First robin spotted on Wednesday.
• Hawk spotted in the trees across the street, carrying something long and floppy (snake? grass? yarn?). Was being chased around by smaller birds, but still landed in the same darkened area of a tree several times. Building a nest? Hope it's one of Cinderella Blue Mermaid's kiddos from last year, although that would mean that the nest in our next-door neighbor's yard is probably going to be unused this year.
• First chipmunk spotted today on the back porch. Zach was not amused.
• The third squirrel that frequents our back yard is definitely male. I know this because he just came up to the screen door where the two cats are sitting, peeked past Zach and appeared to case the joint for usable materials, walked nonchalantly to the glass side of the door, put both front paws on the window to get a better look around Bella, and then ran away, giant squirrelly balls dragging behind him. The cats were not amused. I can guarantee you that Zach will puke someplace today from all the excitement.

Wow, is this ever tedious

As I think I've mentioned before, I have opened a second shop on etsy to sell my photos and related products. If you're not reading this through a feed reader, you can check out some of my new items over there <-- on the sidebar of the blog.

Getting this sucker ready to go has taken way more time and effort than I expected. After all, I already took the pictures - how hard could it be to get them listed? I didn't want to bother just listing one or two photos - nothing looks sadder than a store that's practically empty - so I wanted to be ready to populate it quickly when I was ready to go. That means that for the past few months, I've been going back through every digital photo I can locate, copying the ones I thought might be worthy of selling, and then winnowing the selection down to something reasonable.

I've been researching other etsy sellers to determine pricing, and shipping costs, and what sizes and products I might want to carry. I've been playing around with some different ways to present the photos, things that might set me apart from the 14 million other people shilling photos on etsy.

I've been editing the photos, cropping and color correcting and adding watermarks to keep the deadbeats from stealing my stuff.

And I've been procrastinating. The period of uncertainty at the beginning of any project is the worst for me ... I hate not knowing what I'm doing, I hate having to make decision after decision relating to things I know little about. If I could wave a magic wand and it could be DONE, that would be so much less stress-inducing. But that, of course, isn't possible, so instead I've just been ignoring it. I've been getting lots of knitting done, and cooking, and the house has been pretty clean for the past couple of months.

Until last week, when I realized that the two hours each week that I'm stuck sitting at the nature center while my daughter takes a science class is the perfect time for me and my laptop to have some quality time together. Two hours each week when I can focus, without any phones ringing or kids calling or wash that needs to be done.

I've been getting lots done, but my god, is it tedious.

open picture

edit to 5x7

correct color

save file

add watermark

shrink file

resave file

open etsy listing

copy and paste most of the description

manually select pretty much all the same options for the rest of the listing where I can't cut and paste

import pictures

save listing

repeat.

I just took a bathroom break to relieve the monotony - that's how boring it is.

But at the same time, it's really cool to go back through the files, picking the best of the best, seeing all the places we've been and things we've seen. Even if I never sell a single print, I've got some damn fine photos, and that makes me proud.

Ten signs that the apocalypse* is upon us

1. Liza is at a play date with the girl down the street. I'm at home. By myself. Getting work done. By myself. Did I mention there's no one else home besides me? (cue choir of angels)
2. Last week Liza volunteered to go to the kid's club at the grocery store to hang out while I did the grocery shopping. She stayed there the whole time and was sad to go when I was done. (cue a larger choir of angels)
3. I'm typing a blog post while sitting in the sun on my couch. So THIS is why I paid the extra to avoid getting another desktop machine ...
4. I successfully gave my daughter a French braid yesterday. This is notable because a) her hair is long enough, b) she stood still while I tugged on her hair for 10 minutes, c) it stayed in all day and gave her beautiful waves when we took it out last night, and d) before yesterday I'd never managed to French braid anyone's hair but my own and have it stay in for more than 3 seconds.
5. My daughter managed to embroider this with only minor assistance from me. You can read more about it here.
   
   
6. I bought seed-starting supplies this weekend. I guess I need to sit down and calculate the best planting date based on our last frost prediction (May! We have the chance of hard frosts until May!), lest I end up with an egg carton full of seedlings and a glacier in the back yard.
7. I've finally started stocking my new etsy store, G Sees. Go forth and buy 5x7s!
8. We bought a weeping pussy willow tree from the grocery store last week, and we haven't managed to knock it over, pull off all the catkins, drown it, starve it, or otherwise permanently damage it (yet). It's happy and leafy and weepy and fuzzy and pollen-y and I lurrrrrrve it.
9. The snow in our front yard is almost entirely gone. There is, however, still a solid 6" of snow on our entire back yard, should we decide it's necessary to make another snowman.
10. We have the first flowers of anyone in our neighborhood. I cannot tell you how happy these make me every time I see them.

* or spring, it could be spring instead of the apocalypse. Hard to tell, really.

One wonders what was going on under the table ...

I'm feeling very old

Today I signed up for Liza's kindergarten registration meeting and sent away to have her join the Girl Scout Daisies.

sniff

This one, too

You can thank me later for this

More fun from YouTube

Your life will be richer for having seen this, I guarantee it.