Recent conversation held in Hell

"So, Satan, what's the schedule for this week?"

"Oh, get a load of this, Minion, you're going to love it. We're totally going to torture some poor mother into a homocidal maniac, using primarily the weather. Heehee! First, we're going to make it 68F and sunny in Cleveland on Monday."

"But Sire, won't that cause much rejoicing?"

"Yes, but only temporarily. The victim will revel in the sunshine and good weather, totally unaware that she is giving up her one opportunity to buy groceries without a cranky toddler for the week. Her daughter will revel, too, leading to over-exhaustion and lack of nap that afternoon."

"Sounds bad, but not too bad..."

"Silence! I'm just getting started! I've timed all this so that the lack of nap will coincide with the daughter's final molar coming in, leading her to turn into Evil Toddler for much of Tuesday. She will refuse to agree to anything, no matter how much she wants it, and will remain velcroed to her mother for the entire day. Her mother, meanwhile, will have an order she needs to work on for her business, but will be prevented from doing so by Evil Toddler. Evil Toddler will fight going down for a nap until bribed with inappropriate toys, then will go to sleep... for 45 minutes. Just about the time when the mother gets going on her work, the child will wake up, in a great mood and ready to play."

"But Sire, I thought she was in a bad mood because of her teeth?"

"So will the mother, who will be stunned into submission by the whipsawing of the toddler's emotions throughout the day. The toddler will spend the remaining 3 1/2 hours of the day talking nonstop while not permitting her mother to do even one thing she needs to do for the day. I'm thinking of having the child pee on the new living room floor, but that's still up in the air right now. Anyway, the mother will be planning to leave the house to go buy groceries as soon as the father returns from work ..."

"And you'll crash his car in a ditch, right, Your Evilness?"

"No, too obvious! We'll let him come home on time - no, a little early even! - but the weather will have gone to shit and be sleeting and freezing rain. The mother will be over a barrel by then - go out and risk her life to get groceries and a little peace, or stay home and risk her sanity listening to the kid for another hour. I'm guessing she'll go with the staying home option, as I plan to make the weather really foul. She'll be holding out hope that her daughter's preschool class won't be cancelled for the second week in a row ..."

"... but of course it will, due to the weather!"

"Now you're getting it! So the mother will have to drag the still cranky toddler to the bank and grocery store - but not until she spends 30 minutes chipping off the 1/2" of ice the storm deposited on her car. And when she gets to the grocery store, they won't have half of the vegetables she needs for her recipes, so she'll have to substitute, so her meals this week will be awful. I'm contemplating adding a bit of food poisoning later in the week, but I think we'll hold that in reserve until we see how far she goes around the bend with just the weather and the kid."

"Smart thinking, Sire. Shall I order the sunny day, then, Your Evilness?"

"Shine away, boy. Shine away."