Dear Parents of My Daughter's Classmates:

Your kid is two. You, of all people, should know that what my two-year-old daughter needs around the holidays is NOT more sugar, especially when it comes in a form that is both chocolatey and stain-inducing. I already have to use a spatula to pry her off the ceiling to lay down for naps, and let's not even discuss bedtime, and I have to answer "Can I have a cookie? One cookie? Just one? How about two? Later? Now? Right now? Can I have a cookie?" at least 45 times a day.

Thanks to your choice of Token Christmas Gift for Your Child's Preschool Classmates, I now get to answer "Can I have some candy? Pleeeeeeeeeeeese can I have just one piece? One piece? Two pieces? Right now? I want some candy riiiiiiiight nooooooooow!" 1000 times ... and that's just since we got home from school at noon.

Enough already with the candy-stuffed Cute Commemorative Stuffed Character Christmas Stockings. After two years in preschool, Liza already has about 10 of them, and the combined weight of the stockings and candy is threatening to make the mantle collapse and burst into flames. You don't really want to leave us homeless and destitute for the holidays, do you?

For the same money, you could have bought books for everyone in the class, or stickers, or coloring books, or Hot Wheels. Those are cute, and age-appropriate, and festive. But no, you had to provide her with yet another sugar high.

You're on warning, parents - next time I see you bringing a candy-filled stocking near my daughter, I'm going to tell you exactly where you can stuff it. Either that, or I'm making you babysit AND clean my carpet.

Sincerely,

Ungrateful and proud of it

Oh, and thanks for this, too:

Brings new meaning to the phrase, "Bah, humbug!"