Things you need to register your car in Ohio

1. Your title and current registration.
2. Your social security card and current driver's license.
3. A full tank of gas.
4. A bucketful of patience.
5. Someplace to dump your toddler.

So after stopping at the bank to get my Kentucky title out of the safety deposit box, I show up at the BMV today to get Ohio plates for my car. I go inside, find out I have to get an "out of state vehicle inspection" (which means the clerk goes and checks the VIN and mileage on the car to make sure it's not stolen), then get an emissions test, then take the emissions test and the inspection receipt to the title bureau to get the title. Then once I have the title, I can come back to the license bureau and get it registered and get plates.

There's a title bureau right next door to the license bureau ... which conveniently has a completely different schedule from the license bureau and was closed today. So I drove over to the next town over (about 15 miles) where the title office was actually open on a Wednesday, then drove to the town beyond that for the emissions test, then drove back to the license bureau, stopping off at the bank for the second time today so that I could get my Social Security card out of my safety deposit box.

After standing in line for the fourth time (this time with a toddler in tow, since by then I had picked her up from preschool), I am now the proud owner of a piece of paper that says they'll mail me my plates. Woohoo! I'm almost legal!

Next up - taking the written driver's test for the third time in twelve years, which I can only do at either of two license bureaus that are each about 20 miles from the one that's near my house. Anyone want to quiz me on when to stop for a school bus, or what the speed is in a residential area within an incorporated zone? Because I'm ready to rock this test's world, let me tell you.

I figure by the time I'm actually done with this mess, I'll have put at least 100 miles on my car. My god, the suckiness of this system is just not to be believed. And here I thought Kentucky was bad, since I had to walk back and forth between two offices that were a couple blocks apart. Sheesh!

Interesting side note - the clerks at the title office in North Ridgeville are named Jean, Jean G., Caren, and Karen. Um, okay.