Eternal vigilance

Early last week I told my daughter it was time to come get a clean diaper.

"No diaper!"
"But you have to wear a diaper, or you make a mess in the house."
"No diaper! Underwear! Liza is a big girl now!"

Um, okaaaaaay. We've tried potty training before, with pretty much no success. Sure, she peed in the potty occasionally, but she peed on the floor a lot more, there didn't seem to be any sort of improvement over time and I was getting frustrated with it, so we tabled the idea for a while. I had intended to wait until after Christmas to start again, but we were on our last half-dozen diapers anyway, and when she started talking about being a big girl, a lightbulb flashed above my head, angels sang, and I kept my head long enough to follow the recommended "don't make a big deal out of it, but make them look forward to trying" method:

"Well, I don't think you're a big girl quite yet. I think you'll be a big girl the day after Halloween. Should we make up a big girl chart, and you can put a sticker on it every time you use the potty like a big girl?"
"Liza is a big girl! Liza has a big girl chart! Liza pees in the potty!"
"Okay, let's make the chart. And you can wear some underwear now, just for practice, okay? And the day after Halloween you'll be a big girl for real."

So she "practiced" wearing her underwear, which meant that I offered her a choice of underwear or a diaper every time she needed to be cleaned up. With great ceremony (and a Sharpie and some scrap paper from my printer) we made up a big girl chart, with boxes for each day where she could put stickers when she was successful. We put the chart up on the refrigerator, where she could see it every day and show it off to anyone who came near the house. And on Thursday morning, she was all ready to go.

We've had more luck with this go-round than we have with any of the other previous attempts, I think partly because she's more motivated, and partly because I'm pretty confident that if she's able to tell me she wants to be a big girl, she's probably able to learn how to do it.

I say we're having luck, but that doesn't mean the carpet is safe - we're still averaging two or three accidents a day, even though she's using the potty six or seven times a day as well. Apparently the kid has a bladder that is simultaneously the size of a peanut (because she has to go every 15 minutes) and a large bucket (because she can leave a softball-sized puddle on the floor and STILL give us 1/2 cup or more in the potty ... the kid manufactures more urine than the combined population of some third-world countries). I've got quite a routine going with the carpet cleaner ... it may not be the most efficient way to deal with the aftermath, but at least I can be secure in the knowledge that a good portion of the carpet is being replaced when we do the kitchen renovation, and I really don't like most of the rest of it, anyway.

And we ARE having some luck. Sunday she stayed dry all morning, up until about 11:30, when our houseguests were getting ready to leave and she was distracted by all of the bustle associated with them packing and loading and herding kids toward the door. And there have been several times when she's stopped what she's doing, looked up and said, "I just got the feeling I have to go to the bathroom," and headed for the potty while trying to pull down her pants. Thank you, Elmo's Potty Time game on the Sesame Street web site, for teaching her that one! And we went out to run errands Saturday morning, and she stayed dry through lunch, and a trip through JoAnn's, and a trip to the grocery store ... so there's hope this time.

Jason is embarassed to talk about anything related to bodily functions, especially in public (he's been loving the blog lately :) ), and I get the feeling that he'd rather skip this whole process and have me do the whole thing while he's in China or something. Apparently his idea is that potty training involves teaching the kid instantaneously and the kid never has an accident again. By that definition, things are going badly with our attempt, and we should just give up for a while.

But every time I read through the potty training posts on CafeMom, people are describing how the "potty train in one day" method worked so well for them, and their kid only had two accidents the following day, and three the day after that, and one the day after, and has been clean and dry ever since. So I guess I'm inclined to believe that it's my lot in life to clean up puddles for a while during this process.

It also seems to be my lot in life to be constantly on the lookout for signs of an impending need for a potty break. I'm the first to admit that I'm usually a pretty laid-back parent, the kind who might get the kid started playing with Legos and then nip downstairs to start a load of laundry. It's not like I leave her sitting there alone for 20 minutes at a stretch, but I'm not within view of her 24/7, either. Sure, sometimes I have to clean chalk off the walls and pick up toys from strange locations, but she's generally able to safely entertain herself for a few minutes at a time, as long as I'm not gone long.

But if I do have to be there with her every second, I start getting more and more impatient and frustrated ... if I can grab a few minutes alone, things seem a lot better. That's part of the reason why the nap-free days are so hard on me - it's not just that I'm not getting any sewing done, it's that I don't have even a second to myself.

I used to feel bad about my need to be alone for a few minutes each day, but then I read about the different temperaments people have, how introverts recharge by being alone and extroverts recharge by being around other people. My default personality tends to be more introverted than extroverted, so it makes sense that I start to get frazzled and short-tempered if I am constantly chaperoned.

But it seems like every time I take my eyes off of underwear-clad-Liza for more than half a second, she leaves a puddle somewhere, and not on purpose, either - she comes and tells me right away that she had an "accident." I know that this will pass in a few days or weeks, but right now, this need for eternal vigilance is just sucking me dry.

I've called in reinforcements, in the form of my mother, who is stopping by on her way to a vacation in Las Vegas with her siblings. Hopefully I can put her in charge of the vigilance, and I can recharge my supply of alone time ... or at least get a few extra things finished for the shop.